Scar Painting

So, this is a painting I have been wanting to do for a long time. It was fun. It was very cathartic to work on this.

Camilla

I have been painting like crazy.  This is my little cousin Camilla. She is super cute. I was really happy with this one. It is really hard to paint a face especially a small one and in watercolor. I feel like it turned out well though. To me this one is about a moment. I just turned around and there she was. I like it.

The Spirit of God

New painting. When I did the first sketch for this, I was thinking a lot about my Uncle Vance's house burning down and what fire really is. I don't know if I am completely happy with this, but I am more happy than not. I like the colors.  I like the concept a lot.

I love color! Today I got to play with color and I had so much fun. So here is two little pieces I did today. They aren't meant as companion pieces, but I did do them the same time. Well, maybe I will do the other panel I have orange and then maybe they'll go together. Except I don't know how to resolve the whole expressionist and geometric differences.

Just some Fun

I painted today! I did a small watercolor piece. It was so fun and free! I am very happy with this one. I love watercolor!

I also did an abstract piece on a panel Brother Jones let me have. This one still feels like it needs something, but I don't know what. It was just kind of me playing around.

Easter Eggs and Eric's Baptism

Today, Eric got baptized. It's so crazy to think that he is 8. That we have lived somewhere long enough for someone to get baptized the same place they were blessed. He was so excited. He woke up this morning and said, "It's my big day." He was adorable and grinning from ear to ear. I am so proud of him. I am so glad that so many members of the family were able to come. It's always so special. I needed something special really bad.

On another note, we dyed eggs today. We also made our bunny cakes. They turned out pretty fun.

Light It Up Blue

This is a picture of our exterior light. April 2nd was Autism Awareness Day. It's so cool. So many places around the world turn their lights blue to show their support for those with Autism. I love the kids that I work with so much! There is nothing wrong with them. They just see the world a little differently. They do need our support.

Family Histories

We also needed to write some of the stories of our family.

My Grandma Blanchard joined the Church as a teenager as did her brother, Ralph. As the story goes, Grandpa Ball was very much against the Church. He let Grandma be baptized but wanted nothing of it. A couple of days before my first birthday, my Grandpa Ball died. Very soon, even minutes after he passed away, Grandma Ball asked, “How do I get baptized?” Everyone was so shocked. They had no idea that Grandma had been converted by their example. She stood by her husband’s wishes, but still wanted to become a member. Mom said that it cushioned the hurt of her Grandpa dying. She is so strong. I have always loved that story.

One of my earliest memories of Grandma was when I was in third grade. I had made her an Easter card in class. It was in the shape of a big bunny. Weeks later, my family was staying over. I was walking into the blue guest room. Laid against Grandma’s big mirror was my bunny card. She really loves me.

When Grandma got sick, my mom came in and said, “I prayed this morning that Grandma would improve so that when I left tomorrow I could have a conversation with her.”

Mom and Dad went to see her. They watched General Conference with her. She talked with them. She seemed fine. She made them food. I love her so much. I miss her. But, I know that she’s in a better place.

When Grandpa Lusk was ready to leave his mission, his mission president counseled him to go home, find a girl and get married. In 955 a new school teacher named Byron Wilson came to town. His cousin Bernice was interested in him. She told me that if he got her a date with him that she would set him up with one of her girlfriends. Bernice was working and living in Idaho Falls but came home to visit the family quite often on weekends. He kind of dragged her feet on getting her the date, but she wasted no time in setting him up with one of her friends from the telephone office where she worked. This deal worked out very well for him . They dated all that summer. Bernice wouldn’t stop hounding him so he finally set her up with the school teacher. But he wasn’t very interested in her. But He continued to date Bernice’s friend, Her name was Gwen Chadburn. She was from Jamestown, Idaho, that is just three miles east of Shelley. She was living with two aunts, Mary Westergard and Pearl Chadburn in Idaho Falls, and she worked as an operator for Mountain Bell Telephone Company. On the weekends her parents would drive into Idaho Falls and take her home so she could teach a Sunday school class and be with the family.

In September 1955 he asked Gwen to marry me. She said she would have to think about it a while. About ten days later we went to Blackfoot fair and looked all around the animals and even stayed for the night show. But she never gave him an answer. They kissed good night and I went home. He felt like we weren’t making much progress, but that weekend Gwen’s sister Joyce called home from Logan Utah and announced that she was engaged to R. Clarke Campbell and would be married in October. Gwen couldn’t be out done by her sister so she gave in and said she would marry him.

Personal History

So, for my class we needed to write down some experiences that we have had. Here are mine.

Her name is Che’Lyn Fullmer, but her last name used to be Crapo. I first noticed her the end of my eighth grade, she ran for student body class president. Sadly, I didn’t vote for her. I had only lived in Saint Anthony for a year, so I didn’t know her until I started high school.

Then, she had to re-take the first semester of Spanish 1 eighth hour: the same hour as I did. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. She was smart, confident, fun and all the things I wanted to be. Her eyes were big and beautiful; actually every part of her was gorgeous. Most importantly, Che’ felt familiar.

Che’Lyn played Rosie Alvarez in the fall musical, Bye Bye Birdie. I loved it. She couldn’t have been better. Her face and voice was always on my mind. The Saturday after seeing the play, I wrote her a letter. Actually I didn’t. The Holy Ghost guided my hand. I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. With every word, I felt a burning fire inside my chest.

The weekend was way too long. She wouldn’t get the letter until Monday and I didn’t have class until Tuesday. Actually I saw her walking around the Commons, but she didn’t see me.

I got to class early that day. My heart was thumping. The, Che’Lyn came in. She put her things on her desk and ran over to m.

“Your letter made my week. I had all my family read it. You don’t know what that meant to me,” Che’Lyn whispered as she hugged me. I was so happy. I hadn’t been happy in so long. This move was so hard for me. I had no friends and now I had a best friend. Che’Lyn saved me. Turns out, Che’ wasn’t happy either. She was graduating early because she hated high school. People were so mean to her. Che’ had went through the depression I was still in. We brought each other out.

I know that I was supposed to meet Che’Lyn. We really did know each other before this Earth. I knew everything about her before we even met. I worshipped Che’Lyn. I spent two weeks after she graduated in tears. Almost every great thing that has happened to me since, I can trace back to this experience.

I would have the testimony of promptings from the Holy Ghost that I have. Look, where it got me. Now, I make quiet time to listen for Him. I know He will lead me. I need him. It is hard to completely trust Him. Many times, I question it. Then, I remember Che’Lyn.

If I didn’t have a testimony of the Holy Ghost, I probably would have had this next experience. To take the tears away, the Lord prompted, well demanded, that I needed to talk to Chari Bennett. Now, I really didn’t know anything about Chari, except that she was junior, cheerleader, and the principal’s daughter. Che’Lyn liked her, despite what everyone else said. One day, I just did it. We were the only people in the hallway. I just told her, “I think you are so great!” She turned to me crying. Chari had been praying for someone to love her. After that, we talked everyday. I also would have my job because Chari’s sister-in-law owns the business.

I never would have experienced Junior Miss. Both Chari and Che’Lyn did it. Their moms were in charge of it. Yes, I did it for me, but I wanted to be like them. It was one of the best decisions I made in high school.

Junior Miss

“Is money really the only reason why you aren’t doing Junior Miss?” My good friend, Susan Crapo asked.

“Yes,” I answered. I didn’t think that anything would come of it. To be honest, I just said it to quiet Susan. Not only was she in charge of it, but she was pretty much my adopted mom.

“Someone came to me with something for you. A businessman wants to pay for you to do Junior Miss. They want to give you $1500.” Cathie Shirley said over the phone.

I couldn’t believe her words. Why would someone do this? Wow. Someone loves me. A huge decision suddenly laid before me.

When I prayed, I prayed to convince Mom and Dad. I already knew that I was going to do Junior Miss; I only lacked the confidence to say it out loud. The funny thing is that Mom and Dad were saying to each other, “I think Kayla is going to do Junior Miss.”

Eventually, I told them. By this time, my prayer had been answered; they were excited.

“I know what you should do for your talent. You should sign the song,” Love in any Language.” Mom said. While we lived in Oregon, a friend of ours taught it to me.

“That’s a great idea, but we don’t have the son. How would I get it?” I asked.

“Well, we can find Emily’s address and write her,” Mom answered. This started a long Google Search to find our old friend, Emily Jensen. Eventually, we did find. Emily took a very long time to get it back to us though.

While I was waiting for Emily to get back to me, I heard Susan describing a talent she saw at another program. “You mean I could do a slide show of my drawings?” I asked excitedly.

“Of course, is that what you want to do?” Susan asked.

“Definitely!” I was so happy. Over the next couple of months, I picked out my best drawings and scanned them. Mrs. Ritter, my art teacher, helped me arrange them. I wrote a funny little poem talking about my love of drawing and how I could about doing it.

Junior Miss is really hard work. There are so many practices and routines. I am not good at routines. All I did was practice. The practices were my connection to the other girls. I lived for Junior Miss. I knew that I would be good at the interview, so every night my mom would quiz me. During our mock interviews, I got rave reviews, Many people told me I would win interview.

I didn’t win interview. In fact, I didn’t win anything. I had a blast though. Everyone told me that they were so proud of me. Tears fill my eyes as I remember. I was the proudest of them all. There are so many more details I should write about that night, but it was the journey that changed me.

I don’t remember the first time my parents started talking about moving from Mountain Home. Once they did, they couldn’t stop.

“We are going to make a covenant with Heavenly Father. We are going to do certain things to better our lives and in turn we are going to ask Him for things.” Mom said. Soon, a piece of paper folded hot dog style was hanging in my parent’s room. On one side was a list of what we were going to do like pay off Dad’s student loans and go to the temple twice a month. These experiences required sacrifice from the entire family. The other list asked that we be able to own the house we would live in, have enough money live and such. I was so angry. I knew we had to move, but I didn’t want to.

It took almost a year before I started to believe in it.

“There’s a job opening up at BYUI. You should check it out.” Aunt Cheryl said. Her and Uncle Bryan were visiting us between FFA events. Dad politely told them he wasn’t interested. It didn’t sound right to either one of my parents.

For some reason, Dad looked into it anyway. The Agriculture Resource Manager was in charge of the farm and the Livestock Center. The salary would be about $35,000/year. A requirement would be that we lived at the Live Stock Center in the house there. It definitely didn’t sound right.

For some reason, Dad applied. Then, things started to change. We wouldn’t have to live at the Livestock Center. One night, Mom was extremely worried. Would we really have enough money to support seven kids? It was really weighing her down. The very next chapter Mom was reading in the Book of Mormon was 3^rd Nephi 29. Verses 1-3 read:

“And now behold, I say unto you that when the Lord shall see fit, in his wisdom, that these sayings shall come unto the Gentiles according to his word, then ye may know that the covenant which the Father hath made with the children of Israel, concerning their restoration to the lands of their inheritance, is already beginning to be fulfilled.

And ye may know that the words of the Lord, which have been spoken by the holy prophets shall all be fulfilled; and ye need not say that the Lord delays his coming unto the children of Israel.

And ye need not imagine in your hearts that the words which have been spoken are vain, for behold, the Lord will remember his covenant which he hath made unto his people of the house of Israel.”

He did remember the covenant he made with us. Everything was fulfilled. We even have a new temple to live by. We are happy. Our house is ours. We have enough money. This was the right place.

The summer after I graduated high school, I swear no one could think of anything interesting to talk to me about. All that they could ask was “Where are going to college?’ “What’s your major going to be?” “Do you have a job yet?” That last one was the one that I hated the most. I guess it was the only one that I didn’t have a good answer for. The questions could not stop coming. It got to the point where I just expected.

I remember it very well. It was the day of the Pioneer Day Parade in Saint Anthony, which is a very big day. We have our spot at Horsey Park. So, do many of our friends. It’s like Church everyone sits in the same spots every year. This year I saw my friend Heather Bennett playing with her boys before the parade started. She used to be my YW leader when we were in the same ward. I love her. I went over to say hi and just randomly spit out the words, “And I don’t have a job yet. “

I remember being totally shocked that I said it. It was completely unprovoked. Then, she turned to me and said, “Well, if you don’t have anything in the Fall check back with me. I might have something for you.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was so excited. I had no idea what I was going to do for her.

It got time for school to start and well I didn’t have a job yet. She actually called me up and said, “Do you still not have a job?” I answered yes. “You’re hired. We have a staff meeting tonight.” I still had no idea what I was going to do, but I said yes.

Turns out, she was starting a Developmental Therapy Agency. I really didn’t know what I was doing. It was all based on intuition, but I did it. It seemed to come natural to me. I love the kids that I work with so incredibly much. I truly love them as much as I can without being their own mother. I have learned to be patient. I have learned to serve. I have learned how to fight for my kids. I have learned how to teach. I have learned how to love. I have learned how to have the Spirit with me at all times. I have learned not to judge people. I have made the most amazing friends. I have had the most amazing experiences because of Excellence in Everyone, the DDA I have worked for. I truly believe that I am supposed to be involved with the special needs community for the rest of my life. I can’t believe that the Lord lets me be involved with their lives.

So, this semester I took the required travel class to San Francisco. I went with Brother Griffin, Brother Geddes and Sister Jimison. I was so excited. This had been truly the worst semester of my life. I needed this break. The first night that we were in San Francisco, I did something incredibly stupid. I knew better, but I did it anyway. I left my DSLR camera and my wallet in the van while we went into the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I just did it without thinking.

When we got back to the vans, we discovered that the front windows of the vans were bashed in. I was sitting in the back and my camera and my wallet was stolen. I was so humiliated. I felt so stupid. I hated myself so much that night. I was being lectured by myself and students. It was so incredibly awful. The one person that I felt safe with was Sister Jimison. I felt loved with her. Actually, she really didn’t know me at all. But, I needed a mom.

I told the girls that I was rooming with that I needed her. So, we went searching through the rooms for her. She gave me the biggest hug I have ever had. I cried and I cried. I admitted things to her that I hadn’t admitted to anybody. I felt so loved and I felt so understood. I never feel like that. I have been going through depression for so long.

During the hours I spent talking to her that night, I also told her about the semester. My education teacher told me that he wouldn’t let me student teach because I wasn’t ready. I told her that I felt so small. I felt so trapped. I felt so much anxiety about myself. I felt so troubled and that I would never get better. She told me that I didn’t need to feel trapped that I could change my major to Integrated Studio Arts.

It was just an idea when she said it. I really didn’t take her seriously. I did know that she knew just about everything though. I came back from San Francisco and my Education teacher called me in. I left crying and shaking again. I felt so small. I was so incredibly stressed. Then, I heard Sister Jimison’s voice saying, “You don’t have to do this. You can do Integrated Studio Arts. Suddenly, it became okay. Suddenly, I felt peace. Suddenly, I knew I was changing. I didn’t know if the University would let me change. The credit limit is a problem, but they did. I am where I am supposed to be.

I love Sister Jimison so much. I know that she was the person I needed right there. I know that we were friends before this Earth life. I love her so much. I am thankful that I had my camera stolen.

Free Kittens

So this semester, we did a group show between the printmaking and expressive drawing classes. It was called Free Kittens. Kind of weird, I know. It all started with an off hand comment by Brother Jones and then everyone liked it. Well, it took me a while, but I ended up liking it. The idea behind it is that people just give away Cats like they are worth nothing. But, to some people they become their most treasured companions. So cats are kind of like art. Because we gave away art does that mean it's worth nothing? I don't know. But, I know that it was interesting for me to think about. It's worth a lot to me.

This is a shot of everyones' favorites. We displayed these in the Spori to get people excited to come. The one on the right is my favorite that I did.

So, this next picture is of me and Sister Jimison. She is the printmaking teacher. I just have to say that I adore this woman! I love her so much! She truly is an angel sent to me when I needed help.

Life Goals

So, for my class we had to make a list of our goals in life. Here are mine!

Some of them I will probably be the only one that understands, but that's okay.

My Life List

Graduate from College

Get Married in the Temple

Become a Mom

Attend General Conference in the Conference Center

Be an instrument in someone learning about the gospel

Adopt Addison

Publish My Book

Adopt a dog

Get my studio

Start New World

Pass Code Albert

Get South Fremont a new auditorium

Create a scholarship for SF

Give Excellence a new place.

Tour Europe

Live somewhere on the east coast for awhile

Have an artwork in a gallery

Learn to speak Danish and Spanish

Memorize one poem every year

Write the screenplay for Shoshone Lake

Write Roxy’s story

Be an example of the believers

My Testmony

If there is one thing I have learned through college, it is that I do not know very much. There are so many things about this wonderful world I do not know. But, I do know a few things. I do know that there is a God. I know that He is my Heavenly Father. I know that He loves me and knows me. He is aware of my everyday life. I don't know how, but I know it's true. I don't know His plan for me, but I know that He has one. I know His plan for all of His children to return back to him. I know that His plan centers on sending His son down to Earth to suffer and die for all of my sins, which are many, and sorrows. Not only did He do this for me, but He did this for all of mankind. I know that Christ did do this. I know that He will come again just as He promised. I know that He is ready to succor me whenever I ask for His help. I know this because of the experiences I have had with the kids that I work with. I am right there waiting for them to ask for help and to comfort them when everything is going wrong. If I am how much more will a loving Father be. I know that botht the Father and the Son are one in purpose but separate in spirit and body. I know that Heavenly Father is a forgiving father. I screw up so much. I know that He has a plan, but i continually find myself making mistakes, being prideful, and not trusting. It's so hard not to fear the unknown. I do know that He knows the end from the beginning. i know that He knows my heart and that I want to be strong like Him. If I come to Him humbled, He will forgive me. I know that I have a Mother in heaven. I know this because of the importance and respesct given to women. I know that men and women are divinely created to bless the family unit. I know that the family is eternal. I know that I am asked to and can do great things. This includes, but is not limited to motherhood. I am entrusted with the sacred responsibilities to bear and raise children in the gospel, to teach their wondrous worth and send them out to teach others. I am also sent with talents and abilities meant to bless this Earth. Some of them have to do with art and creating. The Lord loves beauty and I feel so close to Him when I create art. In art, I am testifying of Him. I must do this with every action that I do. I know all of this partly because I was taught by my wonderful family. They didn't force me to believe what they do and I don't just believe it because they do. it was through their example. I love them so much. If I live my life according to the gospel, I will see them all again. I am forever linked to them through the covenants and ordinances given to us in temples and by proper authority. The Lord is offering us all that He is in those wonderful sacred places. I know this because I have asked. I have knelt down and poured out my heart to Him. I've asked Him if He loves me and if this gospel is true. The answer didn't come by a vision of angels. It wasn't easy. I don't "just believe". It took work and learning. It did come by a heavenly messenger though. The Holy Ghost, who testifies of the truth of all things taught me little by little, moment by moment, and over and over again. He has testified to me with an undeniable feeling, that what Joseph Smith said was true. He did see God the Father and Jesus Christ. They did call him to restore the true gospel. He did translate the Book of Mormon, which is the word of God. Every experience, every appearance of an angel, every doctrine is true. Even the hard ones to understand. One of the many doctrines he restored that has become written on my heart is the nature of individuals with developmental disabilities. They are celestial beings that came down to this Earth to gain a body and to teach us. They have already passed their test and now helping us with ours. I love them so much. I need them so much. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the prophet, the mouthpiece of God. I know that I am not alone and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen